


Bury Me in an Avalanche of Tingles

by cashewdani



Series: The Archipelago of Kisses [3]
Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-28
Updated: 2008-09-28
Packaged: 2018-01-15 02:50:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1288447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cashewdani/pseuds/cashewdani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Oh my God, you like him!" Serena gasps, and at that point, Blair has to give the Upper East Side glare she’d been working on since kindergarten. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bury Me in an Avalanche of Tingles

“I’m thinking of inviting Dan to All Hallow’s Eve,” Serena says while trying on every shade of Blair’s MAC eyeshadows on the back of her hand. 

Blair honestly doesn’t know which of the two she’s finding more annoying. “Why on earth would you do that?” 

“I just feel bad. He looks so lonely all the time.” 

As though Blair hasn’t noticed him; sitting by himself at lunch, and constantly burying his face in textbooks like he doesn't want anyone to join him. To be honest, it makes Blair feel a little sick to look at him, because she knows everything is kind of her fault. She doesn't like it. “Well, aren’t you going with Nate?” 

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean Dan can’t get an invite too. Maybe he can bring Vanessa?” 

Blair scoffs. “Please, Dan hasn’t spoken to Vanessa in months since she tried to jump him at an acoustic punk set.” 

Serena gives her a weird look, and Blair realizes she should have kept her mouth shut. “How on earth do you know that?” 

Blair knows Serena stopped checking Gossip Girl the instant she left Manhattan last summer. She hasn't heard about Dan's hand resting on Blair's waist, or the make-outs in Central Park or the fact that Blair would even care about his loneliness. Looking at Serena, Blair can't help but mutter, "Shit." 

\--- 

“So, let me get this straight. You two had sex?” 

Blair can’t make eye contact, there’s just no way. “Yes.” 

“You had sex with Dan? Dan Humphrey?” Blair hadn’t really thought about how Serena would react to all this, because she swore up and down Serena was never going to find out, but, she kind of figured it might be more angry than incredulous. 

“Ok, yes! I had sex with your ex-boyfriend Dan Humphrey.” 

And, following that, Serena erupts in giggles, nearly hysterical with glee. 

“Don’t laugh.” 

“Blair, you have to admit it’s kind of funny.” 

“No, it isn’t!” and Blair drops her face into her hands, trying to stay calm and hide the blush that’s creeping up her neck. She feels melodramatic, and not in the good way. 

“Oh my God, you like him!” Serena gasps, and at that point, Blair has to give the Upper East Side glare she’d been working on since kindergarten. 

“We are not talking about this anymore.” Serena tries to put her hand on Blair’s shoulder, the one with all the brown and green and pink stripes on it, but Blair will not let this turn into some pity thing. “Tell Chuck if he’s not busy at Victrola tonight that I’ll be home.” 

“Blair…”, the tone so much like the one her mother would choose and if she was even thinking that Dan maybe wasn’t a mistake, Blair’s completely forgotten about it. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” and it’s not really a question. Serena finally has the sense to recognize what Blair’s trying to say and picks up her Louis Vuitton on her way out the door. 

\--- 

That night, Chuck doesn’t come and it makes her both relieved and annoyed. Flicking through the channels instead of reading up for her macro economics exam the next day, she catches that scene of Luke Wilson cutting his beard and his hair and his wrists. The music, and the story and Dan, all leave her crying, and she wishes when it was over, she felt something close to better. 

\--- 

Dan has gotten so used to just spending his lunch break by himself, that when Serena sits down to join him, it’s actually a little startling. 

“Hey,” she says and she’s still all blond hair and smiles. “Can we talk?” 

He really wants to tell her no, but, it’s been so long since someone who isn’t related to him has even attempted a conversation, that he can’t. “Sure.” 

“Did you and Blair have a thing this summer?” 

It’s not at all what he was expecting. “Um…what?” 

“She mentioned something the other day, and I don’t think I realized until just now how awkward this was going to be, wow.” Serena laughs, and it’s the same laugh it’s always been, but now it doesn’t make something in his stomach flutter with acknowledgement. “Blair just seems lonely to me.” He knows the _and so do you_ is heavily implied. 

But, Dan only lets him think about him and Blair late at night when he’s tired and angry and no one else is going to notice. So, he starts gathering up his stuff. “I’ve got to get to English.” 

“Dan, come on.” 

He has a bunch of things he wants to say. Like this is the first time Serena has bothered to speak to him since they broke up, and he has to really focus on calculus if he wants to keep his GPA solid, and maybe if Blair could take her tongue out of Chuck’s mouth for five seconds, she’d find the time to come and tell Dan all about how unhappy and lonely she is herself. 

But all that comes out is, “I’ll talk to you later.” 

He can hear Serena yelling after him, but he ignores her. 

\--- 

Of course, that night while he’s tearing his room apart trying to find one of his notebooks that he’s sure he left right on top of his fucking desk, he discovers a green tank top under his bed. 

And of course, it’s Blair’s and not his sister’s and of course it doesn’t smell like her anymore; it’s been under there for weeks. 

It's only Tuesday and he thinks about having to see her on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday and it hurts in a way he thought he'd be used to by now. 

\--- 

Serena’s been leaving voicemails for Blair constantly, and Blair keeps deleting them without even listening. She knows Serena is trying to put together a case based on facts like Blair deserves happiness and that Chuck is a sleeze in a way Dan would never dream of being as though Blair is an idiot and doesn't already get it. 

Serena's the one who doesn't get it. Beautiful Serena who doesn't care what anyone thinks and who can let change just happen and not be terrified of things she hasn't known for years. 

Blair wants to be Serena more than she ever has before. More than the time Serena got the Tiffany's bracelet in second grade her own mother had told her she was too young for, and more than when Serena had her first kiss months before Blair with Georgina Sparks' older brother, and even more than all those weeks after the wedding when Blair knew Nate was picturing Serena instead of her. 

Blair wants to be Serena if only so she can tell Dan she misses him and maybe loves him. Sometimes. When he's not wearing something that used to be his dad's. 

Her phone buzzes on her nightstand and Blair sighs. 

\---

Dan gets about as used to eating lunch with Serena as he did to eating alone, because there she is, every day, with her yogurt and a bag of Smartfood popcorn that she always offers him some of. It's gotten to the point that twitters of phones are sometimes about whether N knows S is spending so much time with Lonely Boy, and if he should be worried. 

Serena tries to be slick, to ask him about his History assignment, Jenny's internship, his dad's showcase the next weekend. But, every afternoon, before he's finished his sandwich, she brings up how maybe he should call Blair. Just call her, or send her an e-mail. And he just shakes her head and says he's not going to do that. He doesn't know why, but it's important that this be about Blair wanting him, not about him wanting Blair. 

She then asks if he'll think about it, just think about it, for her, and he responds that he will, because it's going to be one of his only thoughts whether she's asking it to be or not. 

\--- 

Chuck tells Blair at the end of September that he's been seeing other girls, at least two of them, and she already knew it was possible he hooked up with Isabel the weekend before. He makes it clear that he's not going to stop, he just felt like she should know. 

Blair remembers back in June, being confident and sure and the way it felt to smack the side of his face hard enough to leave a pink outline of her palm. And then in July, when Dan would make her call when she got home, just to check that she made it there ok. How neither of those things even seem possible to the girl who is standing here nodding and letting Chuck hurt her in the same way he's always going to be hurting her. 

That night, the one after she finds out about the newest string of infidelities, she has a half written e-mail to Dan open on her computer, but Chuck comes by with champagne and a BCBG clutch and she never hits send. 

\---

"You will not believe what I found out tonight," Jenny tells him when she comes home from a late shift with Eleanor. "Apparently, Chuck is cheating on Blair, and she knows and is just letting it happen! Isn't that horrible?" 

It is horrible. It's horrible because he knew it was going to happen, and Blair probably did too, and Dan kind of loves her and hates to hear about her like this. "How do you know that?" 

"I overheard Blair and Serena talking about it. And there was that video on Gossip Girl a few days ago that everyone thought was Chuck practically mounting another girl outside some club, but it was too grainy to really prove anything." 

Dan wants to know every detail Jenny has or to forget that she's even brought this information to the table. "Why are you telling me this?" 

"Because you need to win her back!" Jenny says, like everything is that easy. 

"I do not need to win her back. Blair knows what it would be like if she was with me, and she decided that wasn't what she wanted anymore." 

"But, Chuck's disgusting and you miss her. Come on, Dan. You can't tell me you think this is fair." 

He ruffles her hair, like he used to do when she was a little kid. "Life's not fair." 

"Sometimes you're an idiot." She walks off in an embarrassed teenage huff, trying to straighten out her part. 

\---

Dan thinks maybe his luck is turning around when the following day, Serena isn't waiting for him. 

It's gotten a little ridiculous, to the point that he can tell she's even thinking of recruiting Nate to work on him during all the hours of the school day they're in different buildings. He suspects that Serena must have something to do with all of Jenny's comments recently as well and when his dad asks about the All Hallow's dance, he almost jumps down his throat because he just can't take it anymore. 

Dan almost called Blair last night not only to shut everyone up, but to find out if she's been subjected to as much annoying commentary on her life choices as he's been. 

She's sitting on the other side of the courtyard, and Dan can tell she's only feigning interest in the conversation that's going on around her. Chuck has one of his hands on her thigh, but when Blair catches Dan watching, she shifts her leg so it falls off. Chuck doesn't even seem to notice, continuing watching Penelope reapply her lipstick. 

Dan gives her a small smile, and he can see her quickly blink a few times before she looks away. 

Running the scene around in his head during Art History, he thinks if she was anyone else, she probably would have shrugged, like it was no big deal. He knows though that's not something Blair lets her perfect posture do while anyone is paying attention. 

\---

Blair was planning on fucking Chuck senseless in the limo on their way home, but can't stop thinking about Dan and his stupid "thanks for doing that" grin enough to find the motivation. While Chuck is kissing her jaw and pushing her skirt up, she tells him she got her period that morning and if he even suggests doing anything anyway she will probably bite his dick off. 

He slumps down in his seat, and she can still see the rise of his half-hard erection in his khakis. It feels nice to have the upper hand again. To get something just because she wants it. 

\---

Friday night, his dad is doing a show out on Long Island and Jenny is at Eleanor's, because she's always at Eleanor's. With Fashion Week wrapping up, or possibly starting, he doesn't even know, she's constantly being given last minute assignments. 

He was planning on ordering some Thai and working on this short story that he can't get the voice right for, so he ignores his cell phone when it rings. But then, the land line is ringing and Jenny's voice is coming through the answering machine, and for a moment, Dan remembers when he would always answer his phone because the only people it could be were his family. 

"Dan? Please be there...DAN!" 

He picks up before she has a chance to really start screaming his name. "Hey, you forget your sketchbook?" He's looking to see if he can find it anywhere on the island, the phone cord stretching out from the wall. 

"Dan, you seriously need to come get me. Like, right now." 

"Aren't you at work?" 

Jenny starts sounding like she's going to cry. Her voice gets all high pitched and panicked and Dan knows as her big brother it's always going to make him want to swoop in and fix everything. "I'm really dizzy and I just threw up, and oh my God, I'm at Blair Waldorf's house and I just threw up, and I don't have money for a cab, and I can't throw up on the subway, Dan. Please do not make me have to do that." 

"Ok, ok. Relax. I'm on my way." 

The whole ride up on the 6 train he's thinking about what it was like waiting in the nurse's office for his mom to come pick him up when he'd get sick at school, and how it's even worse than just being sick, that waiting. 

Blair doesn't even cross his mind until the elevator doors open and she's standing right there. 

\---

Dan looks completely on edge when he steps into the apartment, and Blair knows him well enough to understand that for once, this has nothing to do with her. "Dorota's with Jenny, and she's ok. Take a breath, everything's fine." She hasn't heard this calm voice from herself in weeks, and she so badly wants to hug him that it feels like she's fighting herself not to. 

"Is she ready to go?" Rubbing his hand over the top of his head, he mutters, "Shit, I did not think this out at all." 

"Dorota said she'd let me know when Jenny was up for it, and my mother is going to pay for a car home. Okay?" 

"Okay." He slips his hands into his pockets. "Thanks." 

"Let me take your stuff. Do you want something to drink?" 

Dan shakes his head, and doesn't move to take off the tan jacket she picked out for him right before they went back to school. 

"Are you alright, Humphrey?" 

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just..." 

"I know. It's weird. But, you're here, and even I would feel bad about kicking you out." 

He's still not really meeting her eyes, and maybe it's not weird. Maybe it's something bigger that she can't even think of a name for, beyond even absurd or bizarre or disorienting. Because Dan Humphrey is never at a loss for words, and he's never wanted to get away from her this much before. 

"If you have to go do something, I'll just wait," he mumbles. 

Blair doesn't even think about lying, and making up some story about late drinks or the club not getting interesting until at least midnight. "Actually, do you want to watch the _Sex and the City_ movie with me? I think you'll remember that I missed out on it the first time because I was in France when it premiered and when I came home, someone said, 'I would rather die than sit through that.'" 

"I still would rather die. And wait, is that what you were planning on doing on Friday night? Watching one of the worst films ever created? Where's Chuck?" 

"He had...plans." Meaning the ballet is in town, and there's probably some Russian girl who has amazingly flexibility and doesn't know enough English to get him to back off. He was a little fuzzy on the details, and she can't say she minded. "And, if you haven't seen it, you have no idea if it's terrible or not." 

"Well, Jenny told me that Aiden doesn't even show up, so..." 

Dan had sat mostly comatose during a long discussion between Blair and Jenny about whether Aiden or Big was the right man for Carrie. Occasionally, he'd ask if they could change the subject, and they ignored him, bringing up details they had yet to analyze. It was before the planetarium and the sex and the falling out, and almost before everything, one of those very early weekends that she had spent nearly all of at the loft. And thinking about it now, she can see that maybe he was paying attention. And maybe he gets that he's her Aiden and Chuck's her Big, and she still doesn't really know how to feel about that. 

"Look, like you're doing anything better." She goes to pull her hair off the back of her neck, wrapping it up in a messy bun that her mother would tell her is going to ruin the luster of the conditioning treatment Ricardo gave her last week, but she doesn't honestly care. Staring at Dan, she can tell it helps him relax. 

"This is ridiculous," he says, but he's finally taking off his jacket and following her down the hall, and she manages not to take his hand to pull him along. 

\---

The movie is just as bad as he expected it to be. Maybe even worse, if such a thing is possible. There's montages of bridal gowns, and awkward puns, and he thought the whole point of this series was supposed to be that the women in it were independent and completely not interested in monogamy. He keeps looking down the hallway, hoping to catch sight of Dorota, or Jenny, because he's still a little nervous that she's not actually okay back there. 

Blair is keeping her eyes on him more than on the movie, and eventually, she pauses the DVD, and asks him if he wants to go sit outside the bathroom door. 

Dan knows that because Blair was such a terror to her nannies, Dorota was often the one stuck nursing her through the chicken pox and strep throat and ear infections when she was little kid. He's only spoken to her a few times, and nothing of any real substance, but he trusts her. It's alright. "I'm good. Let's find out what happens," he says, taking the remote from her hand, and trying to avoid thinking about how it used to feel normal to touch one another. 

She must be thinking the same thing, or she's distracted, or possibly just reverting to old patterns, because before he knows it, she's running her fingers along the back of his neck. He'd told her that his mom used to do it to help him fall asleep, and that some part of him still finds it weirdly comforting. Homey. And after that conversation, when they'd be watching TV or in the back of a cab, or sunbathing in the park, whenever they were quiet, she'd just reach out and touch the spot that always makes him feel safe. 

He wants to just melt into it, the feeling and this moment, and all of it. The round edges of her nails gently drag through the hair at the base of his skull, and he sighs. Breathy and girlish, and he would care more if it didn't feel so good and it wasn't Blair. 

He lets his eyes slip closed, and for the moment, he's forgotten about how Jenny cried the first time she read the book where Ramona threw up oatmeal in front of her whole class, and that Blair broke up with him, and about how he kind of thinks Sarah Jessica Parker isn't as pretty as a lot of people say she is. When her thumb grazes the back of his ear, "I've missed you," escapes from his mouth unbidden, and he can feel her hesitate, just a little. 

When he opens his eyes, her face is much closer to his than he would have suspected. "I've missed you too." 

He could kiss her, right here in her penthouse apartment, and he wants to, oh God, he wants to, but he doesn't. She places her head on his shoulder, and she still smells the same, and seems to just fit there perfectly. 

On the screen, Big gets cold feet and Carrie is crying, and he feels her knees curl up a little closer to her body. She lowers the volume and without looking away from the TV at all, says, "I know Chuck is going to disappoint me. But, I had no idea what you were going to do." 

_Love you_ , he wants to say, but then there are footsteps in the hallway and she's pulling away to straighten her skirt. 

Jenny looks pale and tired, and he feels utterly guilty. 

\---

"You're sure you're ok?" Dan asks her for the second time, and they still haven't even made it off the elevator yet. 

"I'll be fine," she responds, and shuts her eyes. 

Out front, the car is already waiting, idling next to the curb. Jenny sinks into the backseat like she's exhausted while he's talking to the driver and giving him their address. When he climbs in back, she's leaning her head on the window and he goes to push her bangs off her face and see if she has a fever, but her forehead feels normal. "Do you want to lay down?" 

"No thanks," and she turns while giving him a little smile. "Did you have a nice time with Blair?" 

"What?" 

"I just want to know if you and Blair had a good time." 

Looking at her, he can see that she doesn't look nearly as washed out as she did in the apartment. In fact, she looks downright mischievous. "Were you actually even sick?" 

"No," and she's laughing. 

He shoves her. "I was worried about you! Why on earth would you do that?"" 

"Because you weren't going to do anything about it and I couldn't watch the two of you just avoid the fact that you belong together right now." Jenny's giving him the look that she inherited directly from their father. The "you know I'm absolutely right and you shouldn't even try to fight it" face. 

"Does Blair know?" 

"Nope. Just me and Serena and Dorota. We planned the whole thing out, and I'd say we were rather successful." 

"I seriously can't believe Dad is sending you to Constance. You're turning into some kind of evil, manipulative mastermind." 

"Yeah, but you love girls like that," she says with a smirk. 

He shoves her again. For good measure. 

\---

After Dan leaves, Blair goes and splashes cold water on her face and then stares at it in the mirror. She has no idea what she was doing, rubbing the back of Dan's neck, and telling him that she misses him, and basically admitting that she's petrified because if he hurts her it would be so much worse because she doesn't think he's capable of it. 

She'd wanted to kiss him and see if his mouth still tasted like coffee. They haven't spoken in weeks, and that's all she can think about. 

Her phone is ringing in the other room, and she answers, in case it's him, but it's Serena, and she wants to know how her night with Dan was. 

Apparently, Blair did a better job than she thought in training Little J. 

After she's done berating Serena for interfering where interfering wasn't requested, Blair texts Dan, "It was really nice of you to come pick up your sister. BTW, I hate everyone we know." 

\---

Saturday night, there's a big post on Gossip Girl about Blair and Chuck's break-up complete with photos. 

Sunday morning, Blair has an e-mail waiting in her inbox from Dan.


End file.
